So things feel kinda hard at the minute. I sometimes just stop and think about where I am and what I am doing and think - how did I get here? I have no idea what I'm doing and feel completely out of my depth. Feel like I'm expected to be perfect when I'm still learning. Feel like I was thrown in at the deep end and am doing everything I can not to drown. But it's tiring.
A few weeks ago I hit that point. Burn out. I had for so long been working and working and sucking every inch of energy out of me that I had. Unfortunately through only our own energy and perspective of "powering through" things aren't going to work. We can not do things through our own strength. However, I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And it is only through Christ I can do them. Not me. Sometimes I think of myself bigger than I ought.
However, sometimes I think of myself a lot smaller than I ought. I watched this nooma video with my youth group on Sunday afternoon and it really struck me - if you have a chance then watch it now.
"Are you ready to be you? Cos there's a lot of work here for us to do together."
I love that line. It struck me so deeply. Am I ready to be me? Ready to accept the things I'm good at and the gifts God has given me? Ready to accept that where I am is where I'm supposed to be? That God wants me here right now fulfilling plans he has laid down for me to do? Or am I going to keep whining that things feel hard and I don't feel good enough?
I read the word for today and it was about gifts. It said the following:
The bible says, 'Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them...' (Romans 12 v 6) God has 'graced' you to do certain things well. Now, that doesn't mean doors will automatically open...You must first discern your gifts, use every opportunity to sharpen them, learn from your mistakes, and be tenacious about what God's called you to do."
Don't give up when times get hard and things feel tough. How else are you going to learn and grow more and more into the person God is molding you into?
I graduate tomorrow. I will graduate as Kate Denney BA Hons QTS. With a teaching degree. It would be so easy for me to worry, to become anxious - look at how hard I'm finding things and think I made the wrong decision. That I should have been a teacher - things would have been easier then. Rubbish. I feel sorry for God sometimes - looking at me and thinking when are you going to accept what I've called you to and stop questioning the things I give you and the plans I have for you? Teaching would in NO way have been easy. But it would be easy in a manner that it would be comfortable. Something I've been and done and got the t-shirt (well the letters after my name) but I wouldn't have been satisfied doing it. I would not be able to sit in front of my class and love them so much that my heart breaks and I want to tell them about Jesus. I couldn't do that. And yet God has provided me with an incredible opportunity and responsibility. The ability to work towards every child in York hearing the gospel of Jesus. Incredible.
One of the great benefits of finding and fulfilling your life's calling is that it settles the question of what constitutes true success. Many of us have a faulty definition. We've bought into the idea that success is measured by how well we do-compared to how well others do. That's a recipe for frustration! No matter what you do, someone else will always do it better. But when you define success in terms of God's purpose for your life, the standard changes completely. True success is not what you've done compared to what others have done, but what you've done compared to what God assigned you to do: 'Each person is given something to do that shows who God is: Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits' (1 Corinthians 12:4 TM). Jesus said He was successful because He accomplished the work His Father had sent Him to do (John 17:4). Paul could say at the end of his life, '...I have finished my course...' (2 Timothy 4:7). By this standard, success may mean leaving a lucrative job to follow God's call. It may mean using your talents for His glory, instead of chasing fame and fortune. Whatever it is, once you know you're in your calling you can stop comparing yourself to others or wishing you were someone else. The Bible says we are each given gifts '...for the common good' (1Corinthians 12:7 NAS). Only when you're using your gifts to bless others will you experience true satisfaction. Pay cheques and promotions are good, but they can't take the place of divine purpose. Only in your calling will you experience lasting joy.
So what is it you are doing? Are you comparing your gifts and talents and calling with that of others? Or are you wearing your name with pride? Your life story with joy in the knowledge it is your unique journey for you and God to experience and travel together?
My name is Kate Denney. And I am ready to be the person God made me.
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